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Notes From Undergrad

by Travels With Brindle

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1.
I steal downstairs at night When my roommates are asleep I read his emails by The glow of the Coke machine If I was a little bolder I’d show him my postpone folder Something’s wrong, I haven’t kissed him Something’s wrong, I haven’t held his hand Something is wrong, what am I missing Why do I care about this man I should be happy here I worked so hard for this Rooms filled with valedictorians From first bell to class dismissed Four hours north of home He makes me feel less alone Chorus Sun is rising, still have your letter The From field is etched in my retinas Today I sleep in yesterday’s clothes Today I dream in binary code Chorus Something’s wrong
2.
Two Devils 03:28
You saw the devil in his name In your mother tongue I saw the devil in your name Takes one to know one Two devils You’re the one I know Don’t know who to trust Satan was an angel once He won’t talk to me in meat space I see him on my screen I see you all the time in meat space He tells me talk is cheap Two devils He’s the one I don’t Chorus I turn my head, I close my ears Your words will hurt, don’t want to hear them I clear my throat, I make a joke I drink my words so I won’t choke Two devils Which way do I go? Chorus
3.
Letterlocked 02:33
I stole stationery from the head boys’ room, and I fold the wrapper, wrote your address, dry the glue My pen exploded and I watched my words bleed through I post this letter like I’ve escaped with you You’re in my soul You’re in my PO Box You’re in my head You’ve got me letterlocked You write in cursive that’s familiar like a face, and You write on finery you picked up from Bob Slate You write the letters I get every seven days Your missives make me feel like I’ve escaped this place Chorus I hold my pen like a cry for help You hold your awl like a skeleton key If I could pick a lock like you can lock a letter I could escape, but I’m still not free Chorus
4.
She called at 6pm When her roommate left for track Hints at things she can’t tell her friends Her code of silence cracked I was there in my first year Miss Lonelyhearts is on the line Miss Lonelyhearts has got the time Waiting for you to drop a dime Miss Lonelyhearts is on the line I see them on Wednesday mornings He won’t return her gaze He sends her correspondence That puts her in a daze Will she make my same mistake? Chorus There’s a catch on the line Is that static? Is she crying? Ungraded papers to my left I hold the line, I hold my breath
5.
Where 03:00
Graphite ghosts haunt the margins of my text Not much space to write down what I’d say Dog-eared corners crumble in my hands White-creased binding lies flat on any page They lived here in the ‘50s They live in my knapsack Where they’ve been Where it’s been Where I’ve been Where they’ve been, where it’s been, where I’ve been, where it’s been Chain of re’s—he doesn’t change the subject Paragraphs typed all in lowercase Answers questions I didn’t think to ask him Like he beamed his message from his brain He lives inside a tower He lives inside my head Chorus All these scholars ask their questions And analyze to death Why can’t I leave them to it And overthink this instead? Chorus
6.
Ivan 03:11
I got a glimpse inside your mind We don’t talk much in real life It’s explicit, by design That our paths only cross on Pine Yazishma, pidipiska Levelezee, correspondence I’m tired of playing by the rules I’m sick of waiting weeks for you Language makes me feel a fool I ran out of words for you Chorus You’re beguiled by my keystrokes A spirit haunting Matthews lab Wish I could be who you saw on the screen But our words are all I have Maybe our ghost writers could meet How do you know it’s really me? They could keep each other company And we could leave each other be
7.
A set list folded like a football or a love letter Cut out the Other Music price tag and the hype sticker A pen and notebook, your Christmas gift to me A Sharpied, pin-pricked Polaroid from Old Home Week You got the glory You got the story You got the world And I got Linden Street Your record was the first I’d heard from you It had been a year since you left school Our inside joke was the title to track 10 What would you say if you saw me again? Chorus Can’t throw this out, can’t cash this in Like a storm, this mood will pass One day it will please me to remember you And I might want your old words back Chorus What would I say if I saw you again?
8.
The rooster crows, rise with the sun Fill the feed bags, prime the pump Take the reindeer for a run And still so much to do Velvet wrap the fragile antlers Close the barn doors, dim the lanterns Pull the splinters from my hands And think of you My compass points to Rudolph’s Ranch Blue skies and clean air I made my home at Rudolph’s Ranch Now I have to live there I left my thesis work at home And boarded a late train alone I’ll let future me atone for credits I have missed I ghosted early in the year Because your postmarks led me here I unpacked, then things got weird Before I settled in Chorus Have I read this book before? Why can’t I skip ahead? Is it comedy or romance Or do I just wind up dead? Finals week is coming soon I should be back in my dorm room Instead I compost reindeer poop To earn my train fare home Chorus
9.
10.
I didn’t think to look here, but here you are Like you’ve always been waiting in the cafe car Don’t think I’m ready, can’t question fate I sit down next to you for old times sake Dirty fingernails and greasy hair Wish I looked a little better I practiced my small talk; my mind’s gone blank My heart should be racing, but I don’t feel a pang I’m too scared and you’re too stubborn to go off-script Can’t we just improvise our way through this? Two weeks in a sleeper bed You smell like soap and fresh baked bread Switching tracks, I’m all alone Hear that lonesome whistle moan Signal problems, ties undone Switching tracks, I’m almost home You’ll leave this train like you left school I’ll watch you walk away And wonder how your cheap shoes Contain your feet of clay Chorus
11.
A Toast 01:02
Welcome back to Boston The home of the bean and the cod Where the Lowells speak only to Cabots And the Cabots speak only to God, And the Cabots speak only to God.
12.
Another Year 05:46
It all looks different from first-floor windows Back outside Boston, I should have moved on Signed up for classes and changed my major The Yard’s familiar like the surface of the moon Waltz on the Weeks Bridge, ball game on Sundays When the bells in the steeple would wake me at one Another year back where I started Another year to take my place among the scholars Clear-eyed and brokenhearted Another year back at square one I turn our head as I pass our call box That’s where you phoned me, outside of Bradstreet A magic trick that cast a long, dark shadow How long til it fades into the landscape A parting message from the monks of Danilov The bells were here before me, they’ll be here when I’m gone Chorus Peel the plastic from my brand-new notebook Smudged cursive on pearly white Pink Pet eraser at the ready A hundred pages to mar with graphite Chorus Another year back where I started Another year, I’ll take my place among the scholars Clear-eyed and broken hearted Back where I paid to be, back at square one

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released June 2, 2023

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Travels With Brindle Boston, Massachusetts

Under the name Travels With Brindle, Boston-based songwriter Chelsea Spear got started as a busker on the MBTA, playing ukulele covers for a diverse audience. She later began writing her own music, developing the ethereal-yet-gritty style that can now be heard in the tight melodies of her most recent EP, Greetings from Rocky Point. She is writing her second EP. ... more

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